My first experience at a traditional milonga was last weekend and it was not planned. The milonga I chose was Cachirulo: Norma y Hector at Plaza Bohemia, Maipu 444. At the doorway I passed a lady smoker in very fancy heels and a 1950’s style polkadot dress, she looked completely out of place on this central downtown street but I knew that beyond the doorway I would find more women dressed to impress. As I climbed the stairs to the actual entrance I reminded myself that I didn’t plan this evening out and therefore wasn’t myself, dressed to impress. I wore a pair of white tight cut off pants and a fuscia pink plunging vest top and on top of that I wore a big hairy cardigan – attractive!
At the top of the stairs I asked the lady the cost and whether I could have a sneak peak before entering. Once we’d both battled with the language barrier I came to understand that ‘no pay, no entrance’. I could hear the music and feel the ambience! I could even see specs of dancing when the breeze from the street fluttered the velvet curtain, that was between me and the milonga.
I decided, why not and paid the Senora for the key to the sacred world of Plaza Bohemia! I was told to wait for the tanda to end before entering. The tanda is a set of dances that the DJ or orchestra plays before a break in the dance, it normally consists of 3-5 tracks and was 5 in this case. It didn’t take long and when I did enter people were clearing the dance floor and returning to their seats. I looked to my left and noticed that a rather large Porteno with a mustach was looking at me with a huge grin on his face. I looked down the line of circular tables and noticed that a few of the men were looking at me but then turned to look across the room at the other female dancers who were prepping and cabecceoing for the next tanda.
At this point a female host approached me and looked at my ticket. She then escorted me to a seat and table on the far side of the room. The seat was sandwiched between two women who had been seated earlier. I was very bemused by this treatment as I really wasn't expecting anything quite so formal - I just acted 'all cool' as if I knew what was going on. I later found out that where the hostess seats you, you stay! Some people book tables in order to get good seats – these are normally at spots in the room where everyone can see you and therefore there is greater cabecceo opportunity! i.e. more chance of catching the eye of the dance partners you want to dance with!
At this point a female host approached me and looked at my ticket. She then escorted me to a seat and table on the far side of the room. The seat was sandwiched between two women who had been seated earlier. I was very bemused by this treatment as I really wasn't expecting anything quite so formal - I just acted 'all cool' as if I knew what was going on. I later found out that where the hostess seats you, you stay! Some people book tables in order to get good seats – these are normally at spots in the room where everyone can see you and therefore there is greater cabecceo opportunity! i.e. more chance of catching the eye of the dance partners you want to dance with!
I sat and watched the room perform and turn. The dancing was a very high standard with musicality to be admired and clever footwork from both the ladies and the men. The music stayed within the traditional category of tango with some milonga and even one or two rock n roll or salsa tandas.
Fortunately I was sat next to a lovely Mexican lady called Lorena - who speaks English. Lorena was a blessing that evening, and basically offered me a tutorial in the traditional milonga codigos (rules), highlighting the cabecceo specifically.
The Cabecceo was how I would get to dance. There seemed to be no such thing as a verbal invitation at this milonga which made me feel like a fish out of water. In England when I wasn’t getting verbal dancing invitations from men, I would invite men myself. These were forbidden grounds at this milonga. I needed to sharpen up on the correct technique to obtain a dance or else my seat was going to get very warm indeed!
Lorena put it straight. If you want to dance with a guy, just stare at them. If they catch your gaze and look away, that means they aren’t interested. If they don’t catch your gaze, keeping staring. I thought, this is going to be incredibly difficult for me as I have always had an issue with eye contact and the opposite sex! Lorena went on – If you don’t want to dance with someone, e.g. you’ve seen them dancing and don’t fancy a strut then DON’T look at them. At this point I start looking at all the men I don’t want to dance with, like a child that is told not to stare at people or... you know when someone says to you ‘don’t look now but so and so just walked in the room’ and then you look! Fool!
Anyway, whilst I was having my fit of uncertainty I decided to look at Lorena or the dances on the dance floor. She said that when a guy wants to dance with you his gaze will have more conviction and will be accompanied by a nod, to which you should reply with a nod if you want to dance with him. He will then walk to your table, keeping eye contact, and offer his hand for you to take. And voila!
On the dancefloor you dance the tanda. If a guy asks you to dance mid tanda or at the end of a tanda you will only dance, with him, what remains of that tanda. I think it might be a tactic by some men so that they can suss out your dancing in one tune and decipher whether they want to ask you to dance later or not.
When the tanda is over most men will escort you back to you seat and really experienced men will end the dance at your seat – skillful! You are then seated and cabecceoing begins again!
The experience really tested my confidence. It's not really my scene and I won't be attending traditionals regularly as I just find it all quite serious and nerve wracking which isn't why I dance tango. Saying all that, I'm glad I went!
The experience really tested my confidence. It's not really my scene and I won't be attending traditionals regularly as I just find it all quite serious and nerve wracking which isn't why I dance tango. Saying all that, I'm glad I went!
